Liz Tells Frank What Happened on BONES

My friend Frank doesn't watch BONES. I do. So I tell him what happens. At least, the parts worth telling.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Boy In A Bush

Dear Frank,

How are you? I am good! Bones? Still not good.

So this week, they find a dead little boy, and he was probably sexually molested, and they're looking for how he died, and it is SAD. It is VERY VERY SAD. This is what the TV tells me, see, because this is the first time that a small child has died on network TV (you know, something that never happens EVERY WEEK on one of the Law & Orders).

I'm beginning to suspect that crime dramas might make the average viewer slightly jaded. Just a theory, at this point.

But apparently no one on this show watches crime dramas, because everyone's real sad about it, and Hot Not Asian considers quitting the Smithphonian Institute (see what I did there?), because she's an artist, man, a free spirit, a good-time girl (I think this means she's a whore) and apparently being around dead bodies isn't the thing for artists/free spirits/good-time girls/whores. But then Hot Black Boss Guy tells Hot Not Asian, essentially, that "death is her gift." This is apparently a subject that only black people know about.

In the realm of comedy hijinks, the teaser reminds the audience that not only does Lesser Deschanel fight crime, she writes fanfic about her crime-fighting which rocks the bestsellers list. This subplot continues to be tacked on, exposition-heavy, and utterly hilarious. Soon, soon, they will mention that in the fanfic, the handsome, dashing FBI agent totally has hot hot sex with the stick-up-her-ass anthropologist who writes bestselling novels but knows nothing about pop culture. I can't wait!

At the end of the episode, Lesser Deschanel wears a pretty dress! And Beau tells her that she's pretty! Wheeee!

"When I Was a Sniper..." update: No real updates on all those people that Beau killed. (His friends call him Beau, you know.) But he does show off a wicked scar that he "claims" he got when he and his little brother were "playing soldier."

I think you and I know differently, though. We know better than to trust his lies.

Even if they are meant to shield us from the too-painful truth.

He killed a lot of people, you know.

Love,
Liz

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