I've been assaulted by two bad pitch paragraphs today, and thus I choose to inflict them on you as well.
From the futon critic: LARVA (Sci Fi) - The cable channel's first original movie of 2005 is scheduled to air Saturday, January 15 at 9:00/8:00c. Here's how Sci Fi's press materials describe the project: 'Just because they're small, that doesn't mean they can't kill you! A small western ranching town finds itself on the front line of a war against a new foe - one that strikes from within. As time runs out and an infestation of mutant larvae inches closer to tainting the national food supply, a lawyer and a doctor team up in a last-ditch effort to avert tragedy. Vincent Ventresca (star of the SCI FI Original Series The Invisible Man) and supermodel Rachel Hunter star in this gut-wrenching glimpse into an all-too-possible modern-day disaster.'
"Just because they're small, doesn't mean they can't kill you."
But I'm even more horrified by this:
The House of D, from Yahoo! Movies: A man tries to resolve the turmoil of his present relationships by looking for keys to the past. He flashes back to his often hilarious and deeply touching teen escapades with his best friend (Robin Williams), a slow-witted janitor at his high school. David Duchovny makes his directorial debut with this emotional and at times comical fable about New York City and the sweeping power of friendship."
If I learned anything in screenwriting school, it's this: beware synopses that promise "often hilarious" hijinks. BEWARE.
This news does make me a little sad, however. I spent a long time after Duchovny left X-Files saying that I'd be happy if he'd just write and direct movies from then on.