Like a kid who just can't stop picking at that wicked awesome scab on his knee, I keep watching the trailer for The Island, over and over. I just don't understand how this movie exists and is happening and is happening this summer. Does. Not. Compute.
As a right-thinking young lass who still shakes with anger over Pearl Harbor, I know better than to hope for anything truly great. But as a right-thinking young lass who's watched nearly every 70s sci-fi dystopian movie ever made, I have to say that nothing quite addresses my major complaint with these movies -- "God, why does this have to look like crap? And is ANYTHING going to happen at some point?" -- like Michael Bay directing.
So, here it is, 2005, and we've got this bizarre hybrid of two genres to make sense of. I mean, the plot is a 100% genuine 70s sci-fi dystopian tale -- but PRETTY! Have you watched the trailer? Gorgeous. Gorgeous! Ocean! Helicopters! Canted angles! BOOM! And there are people in white pajamas running to freedom against an orange-soaked sky! Just like THX-1138, but with Ewan instead of Duvall! Steve Buscemi instead of that old guy! Scarlett Johannssen instead of that naked chick!
THX 2.0: Louder, Faster, Better. A THX I'll be able to torture MY children with.
Of course, they'll probably think it's boring and slow and looks like crap. My children of the future. They'll pity the feeble sci-fi of the 00's. Then run away to play with their robo-clones.